This summer has not been typical in any sense. It all started with Troy's cancer diagnosis. Surgery, recovery, treatment planning with all the doctor appointments, scans, tests, actual chemotherapy and the scheduling mess that it makes.... And I'm not even getting into the emotional toll it can take on a person.
We found out on Father's day we were expecting a 5th child in February. This was the best news we could have received in such a stressful time. An answer to a prayer, a sign of Hope! It was all pretty amazing since he had a testicle removed in May, I was still breast feeding at the time, and there was only a 2 week window of opportunity before he started chemo.
It was so hard to not tell our friends and family, but it was early.
Monday, as I sat with Troy during his treatment I started bleeding. I fought tears and prayed. We waited until his treatment was over, and with the help of sweet friends watching our children, we went to the hospital. The miscarriage was confirmed after a lot of tests and Tuesday I had a D&C.
Sadly, this post is taking place where Ginnie's birthday (yesterday), and Livia's birthday (today) should be. Our incredible friends have completely stepped up in that department and are making these days special for the girls. I am over whelmed and cry every time I think of how sweet they are. In fact, I'm crying a lot. I wanted this baby before we even knew he or she was there.
It is hard to feel so devestated, yet know there is hope. I can't believe it is natural to feel both ways at once. It can only come from a God who is over all things natural and supernatural. There is a God big enough to use each trial for more than I can understand.
We are trusting and holding on to the Lord, praying that he will use us even now, especially now.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
I've had a lot of sweet friends ask me how the kids are fairing with the cancer news and schedule.
My answers aren't very deep and moving.
My answers aren't very deep and moving.
Virginia is almost oblivious to it all. She will play pretend as usual, putting on her pack back to get ready for "school" or a chosen "relative's house" and announce it to everyone so we can say goodbye wish her a safe trip. He has recently added the pretend destination of the "Doctor's office" to get the yucky stuff out of her body. She will also mention things we will do when Daddy get's better.
Livia has not wanted to talk about the whole thing. She says she doesn't have any questions and continues to plan her birthday party. I'm not sure what to make of this yet. I don't want to force her to talk about it and it does make me feel a little better that she conveniently listens to our answers to George's many questions.
George says he misses wrestling with Daddy. That is about all that is bothering him. The whole process is a learning opportunity for him and never lacks for questions. There isn't much emotion connected to it, but I love how he gets the information out there.
The kids love all the attention they are getting from friends who invite them over, or watch them when I'm taking Troy to his appointments.
Troy and I have talked about prayer and patience a lot so far.
Probably because that is first on both our minds.
The kids aren't acting like their summer is missing anything.
I think it is just me.
I'm not sure what else to say or do for them. We still do family activities, I still take them to parks and the zoo. Something just feels like it's missing from the summer.
Maybe it is just the waiting for good results and not having that knot of worry inside.
Yeah, summer would be much better without that.
At least when things get crazy around the house, a park outing is a quick fix!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
We are blessed with a lot of friends.
Real, true, give what they can- kind of friends.
Some we have known for (my) lifetime and have grown through a new generation, and others that are new and promising. God gives us so much support through our friends!
This has been a summer where it is evident all at once!
I don't want to take for granted this amazing blessing!
If you are reading, Thank You!!!
Some friends even have similar fashion sense!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
We have been laying low with Troy's chemo treatment in progress. Some weeks his counts are super low, making him very susceptible to infections. We are just doing a lot of things to occupy us at home. And if you know me, you know I'm in my element! I love being a home-body!
And it is wonderful to have Troy home so much.
Just wish it was under better circumstances.
It is a perfect time to bust out the GINORMOUS marshmallows.
Maggie had more fun just playing with them.
We didn't want to be totally ghetto and keep her on the ground, so we put her on the slide.
Poor baby, ha ha!
Always a sword.
The kids were surprisingly calm (even after the mega sugar puffs shot through their blood streams).
Liv wasn't super into roasting, she would rather pose.
The biggest shocker was how patient Ginnie was. She was the best roaster of the night! Her marshmallows were golden and perfect. The best part was, she didn't want to eat them because it was messy. She practiced patience and I got her yummy toasted snack! Score!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
I have a big helper this year.
Livia usually assesses the amount of work and quietly disappears or opts to keep Maggie busy for her contribution. I prefer the later, obviously.
Virginia wants to always be in the middle of the action, but her "help" usually involves some major spills and extra time to finish the job.
It is George who has really stepped it up this picking season. He usually has a better attitude towards chores anyway, but seeing a very active 5 year old boy keep his attention until a long, mundane job is finished is just amazing me.
Our jobs included sorting stemmed cherries (for chocolate dipping), and color sorting.
How beautiful does that variety look?
The kids kept the cherries fed into the pitter while I banged away, keeping an eye on any that got stuck or slipped through un-pitted.
I can't help it. When my hands are stained I have to smear it somewhere!
We decided to be warriors.
I think I had more fun than the painted.
After a little fun, it was back to work.
I think Liv took over the camera after Troy took the above shots.
Ginnie showing how many is just enough to feed into the stoner. A kid fistful is perfect.
Liv decided she wanted to be Tigerlilly and I gladly played in the juice again.
I wasn't spared of the paint either. Mine was more of a Pollock style.
We had a bowl to chocolate dip and 4 gallon bags for the freezer. All in under an hour.
Thank you helpers!